Protecting Elderly Family Members from Scams

Your parents aren't stupid. Neither is your grandmother.

Scammers target older adults because the tactics work differently on them—not diminished capacity, but generational trust patterns, isolation, and unfamiliarity with digital red flags. The FBI's 2023 Internet Crime Report shows Americans over 60 lost $3.4 billion to fraud. Average loss: over $33,000. These are retirement savings, home equity, independence.

This guide is for you—the one who wants to help without taking over.

The Scams That Target Seniors Most

The Grandparent Scam — Caller pretends to be a grandchild in trouble. Arrested, accident, stranded. They beg for money and plead "don't tell Mom and Dad." Urgency and emotion bypass judgment. Victims wire thousands before realizing it wasn't their grandchild.

Tech Support Scams — Popup or phone call claims their computer is infected. The "technician" asks for remote access, then steals credentials or charges hundreds for fake repairs. Microsoft, Apple, and Google will never call about computer problems. Never.

Romance Scams — Someone on a dating site builds a relationship over months, then asks for money. Plane ticket to visit, medical emergency, business opportunity. Average romance scam loss is over $50,000. We've seen cases lasting over a year before the ask.

Government Impersonation — Callers claim to be Medicare, Social Security, or IRS. Ask for numbers, payment for fake fees. Real agencies send letters. They don't call demanding immediate payment.

Warning Signs Someone's Being Scammed Right Now

Scammers isolate victims and create urgency. Watch for:

• Unusual secrecy about phone calls or computer activity
• Unexplained withdrawals or requests for cash
• Buying gift cards in unusual amounts
• New "friend" or romantic interest they've never met
• Someone remotely accessing their computer "to help"

The gift card thing is a dead giveaway. No legitimate business, government agency, or bail bondsman accepts Target gift cards. If they're buying cards and reading numbers to someone on the phone, intervene now.

Having the Conversation

Nobody wants to be treated like a child by their children. Wrong approach creates defensiveness and makes them less likely to call you when something feels off.

Try this:

• Share scams you've encountered. Everyone gets targeted.
• Frame it as "criminals are sophisticated now" not "you need to be careful"
• Ask if they've gotten weird calls lately. Listen without judgment.
• Establish a family code word for emergencies
• Make yourself the "second opinion" before any money changes hands

Skip the lecture. Skip "I'm worried about your judgment." Skip taking over their finances without consent. You want them to call you when something seems off—build that trust.

Technical Protections to Set Up Together

• Call screening — iPhone and Android can silence unknown callers. Legitimate callers leave voicemails.
• Password manager — Weak passwords lead to account takeovers. Set up Bitwarden together.
• 2FA on email — Email is the master key. Protect it.
• Ad blocker — Many tech support scams start with malicious ads. uBlock Origin is free.
• Credit freeze — If they're not applying for credit, freeze it. Prevents new accounts in their name.

Do these together, explaining each one. Education, not just protection.

The Family Code Word System

Simple protection that defeats most grandparent scams. Pick a word only family knows—memorable but not guessable from social media.

The rule: anyone calling as family in an emergency must provide the word before money is discussed. No code word, no money—even if it "sounds just like them." AI voice cloning is real.

Change it yearly. Make sure everyone knows it, including the older relatives—they might need to ask for it.

If They've Already Been Scammed

Don't shame them. Shame keeps victims silent and makes them vulnerable to "recovery scams" where criminals pretend to help get money back (for a fee). Your reaction determines whether they'll tell you next time.

Do this:

1. Stop all contact with the scammer—block everything
2. Contact bank immediately
3. Change passwords on email and financial accounts
4. Credit freeze at all three bureaus
5. Report to FTC at reportfraud.ftc.gov

Wire transfers and gift cards are usually gone. Credit card charges can sometimes be reversed. The police report matters for insurance.

*Stay sharp.*